We all have them. They are in your circle. Hell, you even say she is a part of your tribe. You honestly think you couldn’t imagine having their friendship in your life. You do happy hours, you do weekend getaways you know all the stuff you would do with one of your BFF’s. Then it happens. Yep! An opportunity presents itself, and you are almost dumbfounded when you share the excitement, and it is not reciprocated.
I know how you felt. Disappointed, shocked, hurt and angry. All of these strong emotions that you are just not sure how to process. You then question your friendship. Was our friendship ever reciprocated the same? Did she really trust me? When we were together was it really real and was she just that good at pretending? Then you go into the mindset of you not being able to just wrap it around your head that she was not being supportive along with all those thoughts I just shared above. Then you ask yourself, has she always been this way or was there something in her life that made her be that way? You go over and over it again because you just can’t accept it. It’s devastating! I mentioned anger, and I also mentioned disappointment especially when you valued, respected and always supported that friendship.
You see I am a someone that in any situation has to have a resolution. I can’t let it linger. I can’t ignore it, and I can’t act like it didn’t happen. I am not sure if it is the right answer as we all process things differently and some of us have more of a tolerance to be able to let it go or ignore and forgive and be okay with that, but as I mentioned I can’t do any of those things without a process. So for the women out there that are all about resolution like I am, I will share what I do and it might be extreme. I always ask how do I feel about it? Is there something different I could have done? Can I say to myself that I have not a tad bit of guilt about how I approached the opportunity? Be real with yourself when you ask that last question because that can change it all – if you feel good about it, and you came from a good place with good intentions I don’t know that the friendship can be the same.
You have a choice. You accept that you are good with how you handled it and you decide to work on that friendship. How I work on it is when I go to visit her I ask myself how do I feel on my way (anxiety, happiness etc). I ask myself when I am with her, how do I feel and when I leave, I ask how do I feel. I evaluate my feelings. If I don’t feel good, the answer is clear. I don’t want that friendship in my life. I cut it out. Most think that is extreme after all it was just one fight or misunderstanding. I am here to tell you that if you have someone in your life that does not make you feel good where is the value and goodness in that? I will refer to what my husband always says. “Jennifer you have only one go around”!
How do you move on? How do you find a resolution? When you have a friendship that turns unsupportive.
Don’t be that girl. Collaborate instead of Compete.